apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
