life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
