so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
