yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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