He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
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Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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