He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
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I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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