I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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