mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
