I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize