i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
