Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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