It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize