My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
