I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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