dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
