Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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