I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
