Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
