you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
