anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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