Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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