I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
