you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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