my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
