I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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