i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dignity is for republicans.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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