i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
