I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
