Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
