i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
