Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
