in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
