When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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