party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
