i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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