I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
