Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
