I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
