He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize