I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
