why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
