operation harelip BJ is a go
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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