My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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