I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
