woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
