I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
