I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
