She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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