Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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