thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
