My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
