I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
