The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Quick, to the slutcave!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
