And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Im part way to drunk.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
