can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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