Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
