Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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