What did we do last night that was yellow?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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