I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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