I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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