I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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