Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
