Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
