He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He felt like a one man threesome
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
