Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
