She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The adults are the big ones right?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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