Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
